MBC

The Volcano

Your body wants things before your brain can catch up, and your instinct is to hold back so you don't overwhelm whoever's in bed with you. When you finally let go, it's real, but holding back that long takes a lot out of you.

Your pattern

Your body can be an intense roller coaster. You feel it before you can even intellectualize what's going on, and your instinct is to hold it back because if you let it all out at once, it'll be too much for whoever's standing there.

Strength: when you do let someone in, it's real, and it's usually worth the wait.

Blind spot: holding back all of these feelings takes a lot of energy, and intimacy can feel like managing a leak instead of gratifying connection.

Kinks you might enjoy

  • Rope bondage / restraint: a physical container that holds the intensity for you, so your body has permission to feel big things without you having to be the one managing the flood.

  • Impact play: rhythmic, negotiated sensation gives the intensity a real, physical release valve instead of something you have to hold in.

  • Primal play (chasing, wrestling, growling): an embodied, animalistic outlet where too much is exactly the point, in a setting that encourages it.

I'm an ex-evangelical turned sex coach.

I grew up with a lot of shame & fear around sex, and spent years [with support!] figuring out how to get out of my own head so I could enjoy myself in bed. 9 years and hundreds of clients later, I continue to use my own experiences and professional training in the place we all feel most vulnerable: our sex lives.

Try coaching

What working with me looks like

I'm not going anywhere, and I'm not fragile. Part of the work is building a relationship where you trust that you don't have to manage your own intensity to protect me. You get to actually feel things at full volume and find out the people around you can hold it, starting with this space.

If you're done holding back to keep everyone else comfortable, let's change that. Book your intro call below and let's find out what happens when you stop managing the flood.

Here’s what my clients say…

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Alex helped me build the courage to be who I truly am.
Brian
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
In just three months, I’ve learned to explore and embrace my kinks.
Josh
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
One of the best decisions of my life.
Victoria
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Alex makes the hard work fun and serves it up with sass!
Diane
Start your journey!

It’s not talk therapy or a curriculum. Sessions are built on somatic coaching, meaning we work with your mind AND body. Inner-child work so the part of you that believes you’re “too much” or “not enough” get understood. Optional hands-on or guided demonstrations so you can actually practice and not just talk about it.

All with an approach that adjusts to you instead of the other way around.

Alex Gay with short, curly blonde hair and a beard, looking over their shoulder with a slight smile, wearing a purple faux fur coat off the shoulders, and a tattoo on their back that says 'DEARTHAIR.'

How coaching works

  • My PCC credential from the International Coaching Federation is one of the most rigorous in the industry. It requires verified training hours, mentoring, and an independent performance evaluation.

  • My Cuddlist, Cuddle Therapy certification trains practitioners in consensual, professional, trauma informed, non-sexual touch, a powerful tool for building body safety, trust, and nervous system regulation.

  • I’ve passed several verified trainings in neurodivergence, ADHD, Autism, and Anxiety. I understand how attention, sensory processing, and anxiety can shape the way you experience intimacy and relationships, and how to work with these parts of you, instead of against them.

  • Somatic coaching means we work with your nervous system, not just your thoughts. Connecting with your body is essential to finding reliable, lasting change for issues like tightness, arousal problems, and freezing.

Silhouette of a man with styled hair and beard sitting by a window, looking away, in a dimly lit room.

Safety & Consent Promise

Every session (whether we’re working on exploring a kink or building relationship skills) is rooted in informed consent, trauma-sensitivity, and absolute confidentiality. Your boundaries are foundational to our work.

This is the part where you stop reading and start changing 👏

Alex Gay with curly hair, wearing sunglasses with orange reflection, sticking out his tongue and looking at the camera. He is looking over the top of the sunglasses and appears to be shirtless, with a tattoo visible on his shoulder.
Alex Gay with curly hair, wearing sunglasses with orange reflection, sticking out his tongue and looking at the camera. He is looking over the top of the sunglasses and appears to be shirtless, with a tattoo visible on his shoulder.

  1. Book your free “First Date” call (aka consultation) to get to know each other.

  2. We'll agree on a personalized plan.

  3. Invest in coaching sessions (a pay-what-supports-you sliding scale is available).

Click here to book our "first date"

At this point just book a damn call. You’ve read this far, might as well see if it’s a good fit 😉