and I’m fiercely dedicated to helping you confidently live & love authentically.
Hi I’m Alex,
he/she/they
I used to be the most insecure person you ever met.
Everything I did felt like an attempt to live up to other people’s standards.
Growing up evangelical Christian taught me that who I am is not lovable.
Like many people, I thought “It’s probably because of my body. If I just get really fit, then I will feel confident.”
And I quickly became attached to boyfriends who didn’t put the same level of love, care, or effort into the relationship.
By 2017 I had a perfect 6-pack, a hot rich boyfriend, worked a salaried job in tech, ran my own business, was THE gay socialite of my town and felt endlessly empty.
In October that year, I hit rock bottom in my depression and I attempted suicide.
The problem wasn’t my body.
The emptiness wasn’t fixable through any amount of hustle.
The void couldn’t be filled by any relationship.
And it wasn’t because I was gay.
My entire life I had believed
I am not enough.
Growing up in a conservative, legalistic, religious environment taught me that who I am as a gay, queer, genderfluid human is not lovable.
Until that turning point, I had been drowning myself in school, in work, in fitness, ANYTHING to appear worthy of love.
And ultimately, worthy of self-love.
Through coaching, therapy, reading, and listening to countless speakers, I finally learned how to appreciate my authentic self.
And I want you to have the same thing. But with far less time and effort.
That’s why I do what I do.
Besides my personal experience, I bring a lot to the table as your coach.
Internationally certified through ICF (International Coaching Federation).
Additional trainings on anxiety, depression, CBT, DBT, and ACT.
Trained medium. Tarot reader.
Porn writer, and on-set coach.
Relationship & Intimacy Work
I’ve worked with drag queens, porn stars, and your next door neighbor on topics like:
Dating
Polyamory
Open-relationships
Throuples
Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM)
Codependency
Attachment style
Coming out
Gender identity/expression
Transitioning
Exploring kink
and more
Through working together you’ll find the confidence to
stop self-abandoning
quit your crappy dating habits
find a satisfying relationship that fits you perfectly and lasts
& get your true desires met (no settling for less)
FAQs
I hear these questions all the time! But if I missed something you’re curious about, send me a message!
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Yes, I used to be known as Coach Alex Ray. But in this new chapter, I decided to take on the nickname that kids in elementary school bullied me with. It feels empowering! Younger me would love seeing me now. I’m gay, queer, gender non-conforming, ADHD, and maybe a lil autistic too.
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Intimacy coaching helps you build deeper connection and confidence in relationships and sexuality. Through guided exercises, conversation, personalized feedback, and optional hands-on work, I help clients explore desires, set boundaries, and develop authentic intimacy skills.
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Anyone looking to improve their emotional, sexual, or relational confidence can benefit. I specialize in LGBTQIA+ individuals, neurodivergent folks, singles, and couples who are navigating intimacy, communication, gender identity, and desire. Through safe platonic touch (optional) we can overcome barriers that typically take months or years of therapy.
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No. Sessions are tailored to your situation. Singles can work on self-awareness, confidence, and sexual exploration, while couples focus on communication, mutual satisfaction.
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Session pricing varies based on the package you choose. I also offer tiered pricing to make the world a more equitable place. Check the pricing page for details on my current rates.
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Both options are available. In-person sessions are hosted in San Diego, or we can create an agreement where I travel to you. Virtual sessions are offered via a private video call platform for anyone, anywhere in the world.
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Topics include building confidence, communication skills, sexual exploration, kink, LGBTQIA+ identity, gender, intimacy, boundaries, and navigating relationship dynamics. I’m not afraid of trauma, you are welcome to bring anything you want to the session. But, this is not therapy, if you want to do a deeper dive into your past I’d be happy to connect you with supportive affirming therapists.
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Coaching focuses on skill-building and forward movement rather than therapy’s focus on the past or diagnosis. It’s practical, actionable, and goal-oriented. Coaching is often extremely helpful for neurodivergent and queer folks who might be pathologized or diagnosed in therapy.
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Absolutely. Confidentiality is my top priority, and all sessions follow strict privacy and security standards to make sure you’re protected. You can even contact me through Signal, the most secure messaging platform available.
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You don’t have to figure out a plan or anything. It’s my job to help you with that! You only need to come with curiosity and a desire for change. If you have specifics that you want to focus on in the session, bring them! But it’s not necessary.
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Yes! I’d love to explore these with you. I’m naturally very curious, my judgemental upbringing never quite made sense to me. My clients say that they feel much safer than they even hoped. We can explore your curiosities, fantasies, desires, turn-ons and questions. No matter how embarrassing you think it is, I promise I’m not judging you for it.
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Yes. I occasionally host workshops and speed dating events for building sexual & emotional intimacy, communication skills, and confidence in a guided group setting. If you have a workshop or event you’d like me to host, reach out!
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My approach emphasizes authenticity, vulnerability, consent, and practical skill-building. I will always take care of my needs in a session and speak up, so you never have to worry about being “too much.” I use metaphors, literal demonstrations, and personalized exercises. I’m also ADHD, maybe a little autistic, gay, queer, and gender non-conforming.
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Many of my clients notice significant improvements in their confidence, communication, and intimacy after just one session. Long-term transformation depends on your commitment, consistent practice, and how vulnerable you’re willing to get. No pressure, I have zero expectations for you to open up about everything the first time we meet. It will take time for us to get to know each other and establish a safe and comfortable connection.
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Nope. My whole job is helping you explore in a safe, shame-free way. Nothing you bring up is “too weird.” And if I’m ever uncomfortable, I’ll say so honestly and point you to good resources.
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Not at all. Many people come to me saying, “I don’t even know what I like, I just know I want more.” That’s normal. Together, we’ll experiment safely so you can discover what turns you on without pressure.
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Both. Sometimes it’s easiest to understand through demonstration, especially if you’re neurodivergent like me or just a hands-on learner. That could mean showing how to set a boundary/ask for what you want, or even how to use certain kink tools in a safe way. Always at your pace, and always with consent.
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Coaching is not about my needs getting met. It’s about exploring your interests at your pace. And I wouldn’t do this if I didn’t love it. Everything is client-led. I will frequently encourage you to speak up for yourself by asking to pause, say no, or slow things down.
