The Vault

In bed and out of it, you think your feelings all the way through, then file them away until you're sure it's safe to show. You know your own desire deeply, but a partner can end up sleeping with a carefully edited version of you instead of the real thing.

Your pattern

You feel things at full volume, but you've learned to think it all the way through and file everything away before anyone gets a look inside. You'll analyze the hell out of a feeling, name it, make total sense of it, and only let it out once you've decided it's safe.

Strength: you know yourself deeply, and when you do open up, it's because you trust it, not because you got swept up.

Blind spot: someone can end up loving a very well curated version of you instead of the authentic you, which then makes you work harder to keep the walls from cracking.

Kinks you might enjoy

  • Rope bondage / shibari: a partner physically taking over the containing you usually do yourself lets intensity exist without you having to hold back.

  • Sensory deprivation (like a blindfold or a hood that dampens sound): removing sight or another sense quiets the part of you that's tracking and analyzing everything, so you can work on sensing more with your body.

  • Negotiated Dom/sub scenes with clear protocols: structure and rules make surrender feel safe and contained rather than reckless, which is exactly the on ramp your nervous system needs.

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I'm an ex-evangelical turned sex coach.

I grew up with a lot of shame & fear around sex, and spent years (with support!) figuring out how to get out of my own head so I could enjoy myself in bed. 9 years and hundreds of clients later, I continue to use my own experiences and professional training in the place we all feel most vulnerable: our sex lives.

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Colorful text that says 'Alexx Gay' with 'Alexx' in black cursive and 'Gay' in pink, outlined in white.
Try coaching

What working with me looks like

A man with curly hair and a mustache, resting his arms and head on a towel-draped surface, looking to the side with a slight smile.
A man with curly hair and a mustache, resting his arms and head on a towel-draped surface, looking to the side with a slight smile.

You'll never be asked to just open up. We build trust in a structured, deliberate way. You set the pace, and every step is something you can actually think through and choose, not something you're pressured into feeling. I've done my own version of this work already, so you're not an experiment. You're working with someone who already knows what it costs to keep the vault locked, and exactly how to open it without it feeling like free fall.

If this is your pattern, let's get to work. Book your intro call below and let's start building the kind of trust that doesn't ask you to fall apart first.

Here’s what my clients say…

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Alex helped me build the courage to be who I truly am.
Brian
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
In just three months, I’ve learned to explore and embrace my kinks.
Josh
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
One of the best decisions of my life.
Victoria
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Alex makes the hard work fun and serves it up with sass!
Diane
Start your journey!

It’s not talk therapy or a curriculum. Sessions are built on somatic coaching, meaning we work with your mind AND body. Inner-child work so the part of you that believes you’re “too much” or “not enough” get understood. Optional hands-on or guided demonstrations so you can actually practice and not just talk about it.

All with an approach that adjusts to you instead of the other way around.

Alex Gay with short, curly blonde hair and a beard, looking over their shoulder with a slight smile, wearing a purple faux fur coat off the shoulders, and a tattoo on their back that says 'DEARTHAIR.'

How coaching works

  • My PCC credential from the International Coaching Federation is one of the most rigorous in the industry. It requires verified training hours, mentoring, and an independent performance evaluation.

  • My Cuddlist, Cuddle Therapy certification trains practitioners in consensual, professional, trauma informed, non-sexual touch, a powerful tool for building body safety, trust, and nervous system regulation.

  • I’ve passed several verified trainings in neurodivergence, ADHD, Autism, and Anxiety. I understand how attention, sensory processing, and anxiety can shape the way you experience intimacy and relationships, and how to work with these parts of you, instead of against them.

  • Somatic coaching means we work with your nervous system, not just your thoughts. Connecting with your body is essential to finding reliable, lasting change for issues like tightness, arousal problems, and freezing.

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Safety & Consent Promise

Every session (whether we’re working on exploring a kink or building relationship skills) is rooted in informed consent, trauma-sensitivity, and absolute confidentiality. Your boundaries are foundational to our work.

This is the part where you stop reading and start changing 👏

Alex Gay with curly hair, wearing sunglasses with orange reflection, sticking out his tongue and looking at the camera. He is looking over the top of the sunglasses and appears to be shirtless, with a tattoo visible on his shoulder.
Alex Gay with curly hair, wearing sunglasses with orange reflection, sticking out his tongue and looking at the camera. He is looking over the top of the sunglasses and appears to be shirtless, with a tattoo visible on his shoulder.

  1. Book your free “First Date” call (aka consultation) to get to know each other.

  2. We'll agree on a personalized plan.

  3. Invest in coaching sessions (a pay-what-supports-you sliding scale is available).

Click here to book our "first date"

At this point just book a damn call. You’ve read this far, might as well see if it’s a good fit 😉