EHS

The Debater

You doubt you're enough, so you've gotten good at making the case for your own desirability out loud. You're a fierce advocate for yourself, but winning the argument for your worth isn't the same as being chosen in bed.

Your pattern

You doubt that who you are authentically is enough, so you've gotten very good at making the case for yourself out loud.

Strength: you're a real advocate for yourself, and you rarely let people underestimate you without a fight.

Blind spot: winning the argument for your own worth isn't the same as being chosen. You can fight to be fully understood, but still walk away feeling like nothing changed.

Kinks you might enjoy

  • Brat / brat tamer dynamics: gives your argumentative energy a fun, structured place to go, while still ending in being met and held by someone who was never trying to win.

  • Praise kink: receiving affirmation without having to build a case for it interrupts the habit of treating your worth as something to win.

  • Power exchange scenes where you don't get the last word: practicing losing the argument and staying completely safe is exactly the practice your nervous system needs.

I'm an ex-evangelical turned sex coach.

I grew up with a lot of shame & fear around sex, and spent years [with support!] figuring out how to get out of my own head so I could enjoy myself in bed. 9 years and hundreds of clients later, I continue to use my own experiences and professional training in the place we all feel most vulnerable: our sex lives.

Try coaching

What working with me looks like

I'm not someone you need to win an argument with. I'm already on your side. That frees up all the energy you normally spend making the case for yourself, so we can actually use it to build the connection, hookup, situationship, relationship, whatever you're actually going for.

If you're tired of arguing for your own worth, stop. Book your intro call below and let's put that energy toward something that's actually yours.

Here’s what my clients say…

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Alex helped me build the courage to be who I truly am.
Brian
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
In just three months, I’ve learned to explore and embrace my kinks.
Josh
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
One of the best decisions of my life.
Victoria
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Alex makes the hard work fun and serves it up with sass!
Diane
Start your journey!

It’s not talk therapy or a curriculum. Sessions are built on somatic coaching, meaning we work with your mind AND body. Inner-child work so the part of you that believes you’re “too much” or “not enough” get understood. Optional hands-on or guided demonstrations so you can actually practice and not just talk about it.

All with an approach that adjusts to you instead of the other way around.

Alex Gay with short, curly blonde hair and a beard, looking over their shoulder with a slight smile, wearing a purple faux fur coat off the shoulders, and a tattoo on their back that says 'DEARTHAIR.'

How coaching works

  • My PCC credential from the International Coaching Federation is one of the most rigorous in the industry. It requires verified training hours, mentoring, and an independent performance evaluation.

  • My Cuddlist, Cuddle Therapy certification trains practitioners in consensual, professional, trauma informed, non-sexual touch, a powerful tool for building body safety, trust, and nervous system regulation.

  • I’ve passed several verified trainings in neurodivergence, ADHD, Autism, and Anxiety. I understand how attention, sensory processing, and anxiety can shape the way you experience intimacy and relationships, and how to work with these parts of you, instead of against them.

  • Somatic coaching means we work with your nervous system, not just your thoughts. Connecting with your body is essential to finding reliable, lasting change for issues like tightness, arousal problems, and freezing.

Silhouette of a man with styled hair and beard sitting by a window, looking away, in a dimly lit room.

Safety & Consent Promise

Every session (whether we’re working on exploring a kink or building relationship skills) is rooted in informed consent, trauma-sensitivity, and absolute confidentiality. Your boundaries are foundational to our work.

This is the part where you stop reading and start changing 👏

Alex Gay with curly hair, wearing sunglasses with orange reflection, sticking out his tongue and looking at the camera. He is looking over the top of the sunglasses and appears to be shirtless, with a tattoo visible on his shoulder.
Alex Gay with curly hair, wearing sunglasses with orange reflection, sticking out his tongue and looking at the camera. He is looking over the top of the sunglasses and appears to be shirtless, with a tattoo visible on his shoulder.

  1. Book your free “First Date” call (aka consultation) to get to know each other.

  2. We'll agree on a personalized plan.

  3. Invest in coaching sessions (a pay-what-supports-you sliding scale is available).

Click here to book our "first date"

At this point just book a damn call. You’ve read this far, might as well see if it’s a good fit 😉